Should I get back with my ex?
Why would anyone want to get their ex back? Why would you want to take back someone who walked out on you? Why would you want to start a relationship that already ran its course? Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you?
These are all legitimate questions that some people have about reconciliation.. They have a very simple answer to all these questions. And their answer is “I still love my ex”.
Now, I am not against reconciliation. The only reason to get back together is if you want to give the relationship another try and not because you need your ex.
Cupid doesn’t always have your best interest at heart.
The fact that you love your ex, you miss your ex, or that you are miserable without your ex is never a good reason to get back together. Your mind will trick you into thinking anything just to avoid the pain of breakup. So, I won’t believe anything that your mind that tells you after the breakup.
Here are a few reasons that your mind will give you (and you will try to give to your friends and family), which are not really a good reason for reconciliation.
I love him/her
I can’t live without him/her
I can never find someone like him/her
He/She was my soul mate
He/She was the one
No one can ______ (insert some activity) like he/she used to do.
He/She made me happy (the most ridiculous reason. If they did make you happy, why are you so miserable now)
I am miserable without him/her.
I can’t imagine a life without him/her.
There could be many other variations of the above. You know it’s not a solid reason if you can see a desperation or neediness in it.
Now that being said, there could be many reasons for trying it again. I know a lot of cases where couples got back together and went on to live a happy life. I get emails from my readers that they got back together and are getting married in a few days. I get emails from readers that they got back together and they have never been happier. I get emails saying that they got back together two years ago and their relationship is getting stronger ever since.
And it’s not just my personal experience. There are cases all over the Internet of people getting back together and staying in a happy relationship after that. Let’s look at some reasons where it would be a good idea to get back together.
1. Rash decision as Breakup
Sometimes, people break up because of ego. Sometimes people give up on a great relationship too easily instead of working on it. These types of breakups are usually a rash decision and not really thought out. Someone says something and his or her partner over reacts and leaves him or her.
2. You Had a Great Relationship
Now you have to understand I am not talking about the Honeymoon stage of the relationship. You know the time where everything about your partner seems perfect and you never fight and you just can’t get over how amazing they are.
No, that does not define a great relationship. That’s just an average relationship with an average honeymoon period. A great relationship is based on honesty, respect, trust and communication. How would you rate your relationship on these four factors? If you think it was great in all four areas, then you can go ahead and say that your relationship with your ex was great. And I sincerely wish you the best in winning your ex back.
3. You have a child together
A divorce or a separation can be really hard on a child. If there is a chance of getting back together and giving your relationship another chance, then you should do it. It’s worth a try. However, if you were in an abusive or toxic relationship, then separation is much better than being together. Nothing is worse for a child than to grow up in a toxic environment.
4. Circumstantial Breakup
A lot of times, people breakup simply because of circumstances. Maybe one of you had to go to another city for college or business and you didn’t want to try long distance. Sometimes, you wanted to try long distance but it didn’t work so you had to break up. If such is the case, then it is worth a try to get back together provided the circumstances have changed.
5. it’s a Good Idea to Get Back Together what Your Friends and Family Think
In most cases, your friends and family will tell you to just move on and forget about your ex. I wouldn’t say they are always right in doing so. However, if they tell you that you should try getting back together with your ex, then it means that the relationship with your ex is probably worth saving. Your friends know you better than anyone else and if they think that your ex is worth giving it another try, then it won’t hurt to try reconciling.
6. some serious potential in your relationship
This one is little tricky because anyone who thinks they are in love will believe there is a potential in the relationship with their ex. But it’s worth putting here. If you think that you really can have a great future with your ex, then it might be worth trying to pursue them. However, make sure you don’t spend your entire life just obsessing over your ex and hoping they will take you back. Sometimes, a false hope can keep you holding on to lost cause. And before you know it, you’ve spent your entire life chasing the white whale.
7. No Contact
After you break up, it’s almost impossible to make a rational decision about whether or not you should get back with your ex. Your mind will definitely convince you somehow that it’s worth it. You will ignore all the problems you had and will only concentrate on the good things. You will make a montage of all the good things about your ex in your mind and play it over and over again until you are convinced they are the only one for you.
This is why the no contact rule is extremely important. When you stop all communication with your ex for at least 30 days, your mind starts thinking clear and you are in a better position to make a life changing decision. When you realize you don’t need your ex to be happy in your life, you can weigh the pros and cons of your relationship without being biased.
So before you make any decision, make sure you have gone through the no contact period for at least 30 days. And if after that, you still want to get back together, and then you can go ahead with the rest of the plan.